#StayHome was the beginning of a new way of life for some of us. It was a spotlight shone on the real threat COVID-19 paused to the health and safety of the ones we love. It was also a reminder of the role we can choose to play in serving our community. A call to slow down, and use time rather than make time. But when life slowed down and I could not, I had to step back and re-evaluate. I had not realized how much of my self value was assigned to some aspects of my life...particularly my career. So much so that the disruption of some rituals had me questioning my self worth. I was kept up at night with thoughts married to the fear of failure to protect the ones I love or make a valuable contribution to the fight against an invisible enemy.
Among other things my mind wondered how the Cicco Aroma story, in its infancy would weather the storm and what my adventures as a recreational therapist would look like a few months from now. With every breaking news story, my plans for a year of success and positive change lost direction. I was in denial. I was afraid. I was unprepared.
I felt the need to do more, while limited by how much I could actually do. The clock seemed to move too slow but with not enough hours in the day. Simplicities like breathing and dreaming became more challenging. I needed daily alarms to remind myself to eat and more preparation to get my mind to turn off so I could recharge for the night. I was so caught up on trying to keep busy, I began to unravel. My body was at war with any notion of rest and slowly becoming undone. My emotions were strange eruptions resembling a telenovela; exaggerated and sentimental. All this was happening as my productivity reached new heights. I redesigned the Cicco Aroma Self Love Shop, formed new partnerships with local creatives as an attempt to raise each other up, and even created a new line of home care products ( I had been meaning to do this).
I was proud of my achievements I admit but struggled with the unsettling feeling of self betrayal. So I did what I always tend to do when my soul is troubled and my mind needs to investigate. With pen in hand, I wrote my truth.
It was these two words that put everything back into perspective. I was reminded of why I began the Cicco Aroma journey and why the path to self love was my chosen route for navigating life. The support from family, friends, clients, and the vendor community helped me stay true to my purpose. The kindness of strangers, turned friends, helped me refocus.
My mindset evolved from 'Cicco Aroma needs to survive this', to 'I need to survive this'. I realized that as long as I stayed true to myself; vulnerable and understanding of my emotions, and inspired by my purpose, Cicco Aroma and I would both get through this.
This entry is a reminder to all the busy souls struggling to navigate this current state of uncertainty. Take a breath, take a step back from trying to save your plans and routine, and allow yourself to evolve. Allow yourself to grow through this. You don't need all the answers or a magic ball to help you see the future. You just need to trust that you were meant to take this journey. Our world may be changed by this but we could all be better because of this. It will get be better! You will be better if you just breath!